Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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