Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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