hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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