"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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