I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
