I skipped work to stalk him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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