Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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