So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
