Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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