my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
