He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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