I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
