I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
