Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
