What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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