I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
