I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
