I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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