i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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