My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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