My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
