Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
