She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
