I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How external is "for external use only"?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
