this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
