I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
