We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
