recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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