I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
