Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
