Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
