break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
