The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
