The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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