woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
