yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
