Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
