Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
