Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
