im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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