addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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