nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
