your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Houston, we have a squirter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
