I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
