I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dicks are not precious.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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