Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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