in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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