sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
