im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize