He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
