this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I deserve this hangover.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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