I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
